| i wasn't sure about you
and was having second or third thoughts about this
when- over coffee and toast with organic jelly with my ex
i realized that i still loved him
and it was okay
i laughed- he asked what was so funny-
but i couldn't explain
that he, of all people, had convinced me
that loving again isn't impossible
in fact, it's inevitable
i may never fall out of love with them
but there's always a third chance
and while i may not love you yet
at least now i know that i can
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| i'm afraid of men
love is a disaster waiting to happen
which is why i throw myself in front of boys
boys i couldn't possibly love
boys who fall for me in two seconds without realizing that i couldn't care less
boys who whisper sweet things in my ear and don't notice me looking the other way
boys who cry every time they get drunk
boys who act like children when they're around me
sometimes i want to act like a child too
mostly i'm just waiting for my equal
and running into everyone else along the way
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I am absolutely, completely terrified of falling in love
Because of you
Other boys have taught me about falling
But only you showed me how awful the impact really is
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| I hate you
and I don't think you understand how much it hurts to be within a few feet of you
to have to listen to every word you say, knowing I can't trust a single one
you told me that I could redeem you, but you can't help someone whose mind can't grasp
the idea of common decency or the concept of feeling for someone but themself
and did you know that there's someone new?
someone who makes me feel worthwhile and respected at the same time
who makes me laugh and blush and doesn't spend half his time thinking of ways to deceive me
and someone who is, unfortunately, about half a world away for the next few months
I told you that I'd leave you forever then
but forever can't come too soon
because each moment here waiting, hurting, is another moment I waste living in the past
second-guessing myself and wondering if, maybe, I could give you a second chance for the hundreth time
I hate you
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| after a day of being mad to the point of complete silence
i'll utter a word here and there
you mistake it for the beginnings of forgiveness
and i know it's only the beginning of our end
when it tears me inside to even say hello
you don't realize that i've reached the point where
i can't even remember the last time i trusted you
but god, when i believed, what a beautiful lie it was
and you've got yourself so convinced that it's truth
they warned me that the end would come this way
bitter and slow and unrecognized by anyone but me
but i need to convince myself this time
that anything else is better than what you put me through
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